“I peeled the skin off a grape in slippery little triangles, and I understood then that I would be undressing every item of food I could because my clothes would be staying on.”
“When coming to sex: First served, first come.”
“I figure we go through things that make us stronger, but we also go through things that just simply piss us off.”
“A while back, when Dick and Barry and I agreed that what really matters is what you like, not what you are like, Barry proposed the idea of a questionnaire for prospective partners.”
“Two birds went for dating. The male bird was killed and the female bird is being murdered.”
“When I was younger I was attracted to gay guys and they were attracted to me. I don t exactly know why...But it turned out the gay guys were the ones holding all the cards, both physically and emotionally, and I ve certainly paid the price for making that mistake. And so have all of the guys I ve dated since.”
“You talk more when you re nervous, he said, still standing close to her. No i don t. That s absurd. I m just trying to explain to you- Do i make you nervous? No. I m not nervous. You re trembling. I m cold. I m wearing practically zero clothes. His glance went to her lips, then back to her eyes. I noticed.”
“When you love someone s everything with your everything then you truly are in love.”
“If a boy doesn t respect his mother...run!”
“Are you wearing space pants? Miranda asked him. What? How did it end? oh, right. Because your butt is fine. He gazed at her in that way he had like he was measuring her for straitjacket. I think- he started, then stopped and seemed to be having trouble talking. Cleared his throat three times before saying, I think the line is because your butt is out of this world. Oh. That makes a lot more sense. I can see that. See, I read this book about how to get guys to like you and they said it was a line that never failed but i got interrupted in the middle and the line before it was about china-not the country, the kind you eat off of-and that is where the fine part was but i must have gotten them confused. He just kept staring at her.”
“The world always said to just be yourself, but it turned out when Evelyn was herself, no guys were at all interested, so she was left with games of make-believe, expressing enthusiasm for whatever the men wanted to do, be it rock climbing or going to a cheese-beer pairing or a Knicks game.”
“She recognised many of the same faces from the last time she d been single, and the thought that she was close to running out of lesbians in London depressed her greatly.”
“Anybody who predicts the death of cities has already met his spouse.”
“I’d rather straighten my pubes with a flat iron than go on another blind date.”
“In the interests of full disclosure, I feel I should let you know that I do have a boyfriend. He s cool with me doing whatever, though.”
“I m not having my wedding day spoiled by a couple of horny bridesmaids who can t decide whether they want to shag or throw up over each other.”
“And the third is from him: Second date? I immediately text him back: Hell yeah! Then I collapse on my bed and enjoy that butterflies in the stomach feeling. I ve felt the butterflies before from time to time, but this is the first time I haven t sort of wanted to attack them with a flyswatter.”