“A lot of men wouldn t like being called a romantic. It s not macho enough. Quite often men are fools.”
“I believe that all men are just overgrown boys with deep problems communicating.”
“How many men with a microphone can tell you what he loves the most?”
“What are men to rocks and mountains?”
“I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back.”
“Some men break your heart in two, Some men fawn and flatter, Some men never look at you; And that cleans up the matter.”
“Men! Dead or alive, they could be exactly the same.”
“The sin both of men and of angels, was rendered possible by the fact that God gave us free will.”
“They’s men and mens. Some good. Some bad. Some breathing death. Some breathing life.”
“Don t let two men fall in love with you, girls. It s not the sort of thing that ends well. -Uncle Charles”
“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”
“A true gentleman is one that apologizes anyways, even though he has not offended a lady intentionally. He is in a class all of his own because he knows the value of a woman s heart.”
“You have to be very fond of men. Very, very fond. You have to be very fond of them to love them. Otherwise they re simply unbearable.”
“Show me a woman who doesn t feel guilty and I ll show you a man.”
“He ll be cross if he sees I have been crying. They don t like you to cry. He doesn t cry. I wish to God I could make him cry. I wish I could make him cry and tread the floor and feel his heart heavy and big and festering in him. I wish I could hurt him like hell. He doesn t wish that about me. I don t think he even knows how he makes me feel. I wish he could know, without my telling him. They don t like you to tell them they ve made you cry. They don t like you to tell them you re unhappy because of them. If you do, they think you re possessive and exacting. And then they hate you. They hate you whenever you say anything you really think. You always have to keep playing little games. Oh, I thought we didn t have to; I thought this was so big I could say whatever I meant. I guess you can t, ever. I guess there isn t ever anything big enough for that.”
“The problem with having problems is that ‘someone’ always has it worse.”
“We love men because they can never fake orgasms, even if they wanted to. Because they write poems, songs, and books in our honor. Because they never understand us, but they never give up. Because they can see beauty in women when women have long ceased to see any beauty in themselves. Because they come from little boys. Because they can churn out long, intricate, Machiavellian, or incredibly complex mathematics and physics equations, but they can be comparably clueless when it comes to women. Because they are incredible lovers and never rest until we’re happy. Because they elevate sports to religion. Because they’re never afraid of the dark. Because they don’t care how they look or if they age. Because they persevere in making and repairing things beyond their abilities, with the naïve self-assurance of the teenage boy who knew everything. Because they never wear or dream of wearing high heels. Because they’re always ready for sex. Because they’re like pomegranates: lots of inedible parts, but the juicy seeds are incredibly tasty and succulent and usually exceed your expectations. Because they’re afraid to go bald. Because you always know what they think and they always mean what they say. Because they love machines, tools, and implements with the same ferocity women love jewelry. Because they go to great lengths to hide, unsuccessfully, that they are frail and human. Because they either speak too much or not at all to that end. Because they always finish the food on their plate. Because they are brave in front of insects and mice. Because a well-spoken four-year old girl can reduce them to silence, and a beautiful 25-year old can reduce them to slobbering idiots. Because they want to be either omnivorous or ascetic, warriors or lovers, artists or generals, but nothing in-between. Because for them there’s no such thing as too much adrenaline. Because when all is said and done, they can’t live without us, no matter how hard they try. Because they’re truly as simple as they claim to be. Because they love extremes and when they go to extremes, we’re there to catch them. Because they are tender they when they cry, and how seldom they do it. Because what they lack in talk, they tend to make up for in action. Because they make excellent companions when driving through rough neighborhoods or walking past dark alleys. Because they really love their moms, and they remind us of our dads. Because they never care what their horoscope, their mother-in-law, nor the neighbors say. Because they don’t lie about their age, their weight, or their clothing size. Because they have an uncanny ability to look deeply into our eyes and connect with our heart, even when we don’t want them to. Because when we say “I love you” they ask for an explanation.”