“Humor is next to Godliness.”
“The only exercise I get is jumping to conclusions.”
“There s no law saying I can t bitch about it first.”
“To repent is to be rich.”
“Sometimes the right thing to do... is the wrong thing.”
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS! It was...Dumbledore!”
“I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT.... Hargirid paused angrily. BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”
“People don t seem as annoying when I ve got coffee”
“I m afraid I don t know WTF. I only discovered LOL from Joyce last week. I m going to assume that it doesn t refer to the Warsaw Transit Facility, as that was shut down in 1981 when the Russians came sniffing.”
“People who live in unstable places have brilliantly dark senses of humour. Even when Yemen was getting bombed, Yemenis would be telling you the most inappropriate jokes.”
“He punched me in the face, Ash said, who understandably did not seem to find the situation humorous at all. And then he yelled at me for sleeping with our personal trainer! I was told breakup scenes were a good way to distract people, Jared said with beautiful simplicity. Ash looked so surprised, Holly said. He had no idea what was going on. He said, I didn t sleep with our personal trainer! We don t even have a personal trainer! Angela and Holly giggled. Ash held the back of his hand to his bleeding mouth and glared. Jared was still grinning like a maniac. In that case, he told Ash solemnly, I will consider taking you back.”
“I demoted him from The Best Man Ever to just The Best Man I’d Ever Met. Superman would have charged out (hell, he’d have flown) to get Lois Lane cookies. I was pretty sure of it.”
“Wow, top five percent of your class at Northwestern. Nice! Joel said and then looked over at me. Bet you re glad to have someone so amazing working under you, huh? Chloe coughed slightly, bringing her napkin up from her lap to cover her mouth. I smiled as I quickly glanced over to her and then back to Joel. Yes, its absolutely amazing having Miss Mills under me. She always gets the job done.”
“I can’t fuck your life, I’m monogamously fucking my own life.”
“Torture?” she asked with a laugh. “My first piece of information I’ll divulge to you? I wouldn’t recommend trying to torture me. I dislike it and grow sulky under pincers. It’s a fault.”
“She d proven to be one of the most aggravating people I d ever met. Unfortunately for me, she was also the best sex I d ever had. Fuck, he d better never get that far. I wasn t sure I knew where to hide a body around here.”
“My mom said the moon landing was faked,” said Eddie. “But she also said she saw Jackie Kennedy, Jimmy Hoffa, Elvis and Bigfoot at the IHOP out by the interstate. Elvis picked up the check.”