“Your full of yourself. Duhh... genetics man.”
“You two have just reached the level of annoyingly cute.”
“Wow, that was an expensive looking explosion! I can t believe we had that in the budget.”
“You know you re a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself.”
“You think I d cheat on you? I demanded with all the innocent outrage I could muster. With another guy, no. With a cheeseburger . . . in a heartbeat.”
“Cause if you shoot a bullet someone dies. If you drop a bomb many die. You hit a woman, love dies. But if you say the F-word... nothing actually happens.”
“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”
“It really seems to me that in the midst of great tragedy, there is always the horrible possibility that something terribly funny will happen.”
“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush , Dick , and Colin. Need I say more?”
“Nonie chewed on her bottom lip for a moment. She d told Fezzo so much already yet there wasn t a speck of incredulity in his eyes. His expression was serious, and she had his full attention. I m not quite sure about what to do with Helen, the ghost that followed me home.”
“Kaz reached into his coat pocket. Here, he said and handed Jesper a slender book with an elaborate cover. Are we going to read to each other? Just flip it open to the back. Jesper opened the book and peered at the last page, puzzled. So? Hold it up so we don t have to look at your ugly face. My face has character. Besides - oh! An excellent read, isn t it? Who knew I had a taste for literature?”
“Oh, uh-uh, Shaundelle said. I m not gonna be no place where no ghost is gonna be knockin nobody upside the head. I m outta here. I m not going to take any chances that some ghost is gonna mess up this pretty face.”
“Some stories have to be written because no one would believe the absurdity of it all.”
“Etiquette tip: If you re looking for the right time to leave a party, when the host yells, No one leaves here alive, that s your cue.”
“Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.”
“Don’t do anything stupid. Don’t worry, I whispered over the line, I’m an expert on stupid. You’re... Like, I can spot stupidity, because I know it so well. The way an exterminator knows bugs really well, and can spot where they’ve been? I’m like that. A stupidinator. Never say that word again, Prof said.”
“My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate.”