“Mabel s parents had said that it was bigotry dressed up to look like science.”
“I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: Oh Lord, make my enemies ridiculous. And God granted it. (Letter to Étienne Noël Damilaville, May 16, 1767)”
“Windmill or no windmill, he said, life would go on as it had always gone on--that is, badly.”
“The wicked are wicked, no doubt, and they go astray and they fall, and they come by their deserts; but who can tell the mischief which the very virtuous do?”
“TWO AND TWO MAKES FIVE”
“F***ing triffids.”
“When...did it become irrational to dislike religion, any religion, even to dislike it vehemently? When did reason get redescribed as unreason? When were the fairy stories of the superstitious placed above criticism, beyond satire? A religion was not a race. It was an idea, and ideas stood (or fell) because they were strong enough (or too weak) to withstand criticism, not because they were shielded from it. Strong ideas welcomed dissent.”
“Satirize wickedness if you must--but pity weakness.”
“Shall I compare thee to a barrel of apples? Though art more hairy, but sweeter inside. Rough winds couldn t keep me from taking you to chapel, Where finally a horse could take a bride...”
“I like how you call homosexuality an abomination. I don t say homosexuality s an abomination, Mr. President, the bible does. Yes it does. Leviticus- 18:22 Chapter in verse. I wanted to ask you a couple questions while I had you here. I m interested in selling my youngest daughter into slavery as sanctioned in exodus 21:7. She s a Georgetown sophomore, speaks fluent Italian, always cleared the table when it was her turn. What would a good price for her be? While thinking about that can I ask another? My chief of staff, Leo Mcgary,insists on working on the sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly says he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself or is it ok to call the police? Here s one that s really important, cause we ve got a lot of sports fans in this town. Touching the skin of a dead pig makes one unclean, Leviticus 11:7. If they promise to wear gloves, can the Washington Red Skins still play football? Can Notre Dame? Can West Point? does the whole town really have to be together to stone my brother John for planting different crops side by side? Can I burn my mother in a small family gathering for wearing garments made from two different threads?”
“The Truth Shall Make Ye Fret. [Fred. Free.]”
“It is proved...that things cannot be other than they are, for since everything was made for a purpose, it follows that everything is made for the best purpose.”
“Sex is mathematics. Individuality no longer an issue. What does intelligence signify? Define reason. Desire -- meaningless. Intellect is not a cure. Justice is dead. Fear, recrimination, innocence, sympathizing, guilt, waste, failure, grief, were things, emotions, that no one really felt any more. Reflection is useless, the world is senseless. Evil is its only permanence. God is not alive. Love cannot be trusted. Surface, surface, surface was all that anyone found meaning in...this was civilization as I saw it, colossal and jagged...”
“I suppose that saves us from having to determine what to do with a butler who goes around killing people. It certainly reflects badly upon our domestic staff. Still, I shall miss him. There was a man who knew how to brew a good cup of tea.”
“Oh well, McWatt sang, what the hell.”
“Alice is fictional. This isn t.”
“He was a great patriot, a humanitarian, a loyal friend- provided of course he really is dead.”