“My foot slipped. A split second. And for that split second, I was falling. In that split second, I didn t panic. I thought, oh . Then Rachel s hand wrapped around my arm and steadied me. Thanks, I stared at the edge . . . Two seconds ago all I could think was, oh, thank god, now it s over.”
“I think of killing myself a lot, and it’s the worst feeling in the world.”
“If I m sad and feel like crying, I come to the swimming pool because if I cried at home, I d cry and cry and be depressed for three days and three nights and then I couldn t stand it and I d swallow a load of sleeping pills. Or drive east to the sea and just keep going straight into the water. Or walk off the edge of a clidd. So, I come here instead where there s so much water already I can weep in peace.”
“Death is my redemption,” she whispered, her tears falling on his chest before rolling into the lapping ocean. He stilled for a moment, and she felt something warm and wet slide down her right temple and past her ear. His tear. His nose brushed against her forehead, before his lips pressed a kiss to it. “It seems we re at a bit of an impasse, then. Because your survival is mine.”
“No one had ever wanted me. And for some reason I didn t even want me anymore. I wished I could have stepped out of my body and given it back, like you do with a shirt that doesn t fit properly.”
“Sometimes I let my phone die and I envy it”
“When you realize you don’t matter, the world becomes inconsequential and claustrophobic. You feel trapped inside your body, and your mind. Nothing can take you out of desperation, unless they take the brunt of your loneliness and make it their own.”
“Maybe I should drown myself before I freeze to death?”
“Suddenly, I viddied what I had to do, and that was to do myself in; to snuff it, to blast off forever out of this wicked, cruel world. One moment of pain perhaps and, then, sleep forever, and ever and ever.”
“You have no right to kill others. Then how can you have a right to kill yourself?”
“What would I put in my bottom drawer? – I would put only sharp objects, the clean lines of broken glass, the honed steel of paring knives, the tiny saw-teeth of bread knives and the soothing edges of razor blades, I weigh knives in my hands like strange comforters.”
“We all handle loss in our individual ways, grieve in all kinds of ways. We all go through feeling okay sometimes, but other times, we feel so bad we hurt ourselves or those around us.”
“Sometimes you feel fragile for a few days. Don t let the PaperTigers scare you; you will bounce back & be brave again. From book: stuff i think about by sondra faye”
“To all who struggle with depression or suicidal thoughts: you are not alone. we are all on this journey together. I promise you that there is hope. Let us reach out to one another and walk together in the sunlight.”
“-¿Por qué?- Quiso saber- -¿Y por qué no?- repliqué - El relato se detiene, hay un espacio en blanco. Se suspende oportunamente: la última frase es magnética, me ha retenido. En efecto, la cuestión no es por que me mataré, sino por qué no matarme.”
“I am sorry. I m sorry that I feel as if you don t trust me enough to confide me. This is me being selfish even though this isn t about me, it s about you. I m sorry that it makes me upset that in those times you thought about ending your life, I feel like I didn t cross your mind. I hate myself for thinking you didn t care enough to talk to me about those toxic thoughts that s trying to push you to end everything, because I know myself that s it is hard to share. I hate myself for thinking you didn t care enough to think about how horrible it is going to be for me once I learn what you ve done. I m sorry for feeling like this, it is selfish, I am selfish. I m sorry for feeling like I m not a good friend, I know that s now how you think, I m sorry. I just love you and I m hurt.”
“To be mad is worse than not to be if this is what it is.”