“Our parents were a test tube and a turkey baster.”
“But it was my parents I longed for mostly. I wanted to be a little girl again and cuddle into them, wriggling in between them like I d done in their bed when I was three or four, snug and warm in the safest place in the world. Instead I had Hell.”
“It was as if something snapped in two deep inside me. My parents-- the people I’d loved the most in the world, the ones I’d always told all my secrets to, the ones I’d wanted to hide with far away from the rest of the world. They had lied, and I couldn’t imagine why. It couldn’t possibly matter why. ”
“Clarity and focus doesn’t always come from God or inspirational quotes. Usually, it takes your mother to slap the reality back into you.”
“Mom and Dad exchange a nervous glance and have a telepathic conversation about it. I hear every word. Do we let her out? It s past curfew. True, but look at that—at least she asked! I know! I can hardly believe it! She could have sneaked out, but she asked! I know! We re good parents! What time will you be back? Dad asks.”
“Because even if the whole world was throwing rocks at you, if you still had your mother or father at your back, you’d be okay.”
“Aw, man. I’d just shot an angel in the face.I made my way into the foyer and sat down on the stairs. I glanced up at the big old grandfather clock. It was going on ten. My folks would be home soon. “How was your evening, honey?” “Killed an angel.” “Well, isn’t that nice.” That wasn’t happening. Daddy never liked guns in the first place, Mother just pretended to. I was so grounded.”
“I m glad you were both here, I finally manage, thinking how strange it is to be standing with the two people who made you, something most kids take for granted every day of their lives.”
“Our fathers never leave us. Ever.”
“If we remain positive and accept what is, if we tend to pay attention to the beauty of the practice but not examine the insides, we will be less likely to give ourselves the benefit of the doubt, and we will forgo the potential beauty of our birth culture, and if we forgo the potential of our birth culture, it s harder to see the beauty within ourselves.”
“Mother died when he was twelve. He did not want sympathy, he only wanted her back.”
“The images I had were of people being driven mad by living in the city. Images of parents who were so hungry and unfulfilled that they ate their own children.”
“My brother and I were able to fantasize far more extravagantly about our parents tastes and desires, their aspirations and their vices, by scanning their bookcases than by snooping in their closest. Their selves were on their shelves.”
“No child, no matter what path they may have chosen, should be abandoned by the people who should love them the most. When two people come together and make the conscious decision to create a life, they have an obligation to protect and love that child until death.”
“Our parents prayer is the most beautiful poetry and expectations”
“My parents were supportive of my creativity but did not have a lot of patience for whimsy with zero production value. They had stuff to do.”
“As I discussed in the previous chapter, attachment researchers have shown that our earliest caregivers don t only feed us, dress us, and comfort us when we are upset; they shape the way our rapidly growing brain perceives reality. Our interactions with our caregivers convey what is safe and what is dangerous: whom we can count on and who will let us down; what we need to do to get our needs met. This information is embodied in the warp and woof of our brain circuitry and forms the template of how we think of ourselves and the world around us. These inner maps are remarkably stable across time. This doesn‘t mean, however, that our maps can‘t be modified by experience. A deep love relationship, particularly during adolescence, when the brain once again goes through a period of exponential change, truly can transform us. So can the birth of a child, as our babies often teach us how to love. Adults who were abused or neglected as children can still learn the beauty of intimacy and mutual trust or have a deep spiritual experience that opens them to a larger universe. In contrast, previously uncontaminated childhood maps can become so distorted by an adult rape or assault that all roads are rerouted into terror or despair. These responses are not reasonable and therefore cannot be changed simply by reframing irrational beliefs.”