“New Rule: Never underestimate the ability of a tiny fringe group of losers to ruin everything. We ve all been laughing heartily at the wacky antics of the birthers --the far-right goofballs who claim Obama wasn t really born in Hawaii, and therefore the job of the president goes to the runner-up, Miss California Carrie Prejean. And there s nothing you can do to convince these people--you could hand them, in person, the original birth certificate, with the placenta, and have a video of Obama emerging from the womb with Don Ho singing in the background...and they still wouldn t believe it. Hey, birthers, wanna hear my theory? My theory is Obama was born in America, and your were born with the umbilical cord around your neck. I don t know what his mother was doing when she was pregnant, but I m pretty sure yours was drinking. Oh, I kid the birthers, and actually, there is one thing that makes me think they could be right: We re Americans; of course we re gonna hire an illegal alien to clean up. I m joking, of course, and laughing it off has also been the reaction from Democratic leaders so far, proving that Democrats never learn: In America, if you don t immediately kill arrant bullshit, no matter how ridiculous, it can grow and thrive and eventually take over, like crabgrass or Cirque du Soleil. This might be a deluded, time-wasting right-wing obsession, but so was Whitewater, and look where that ended up. Liberals said, Oh, what re they gonna do, keep expanding the case until they impeach the president over a blow job? I m telling you, in America, there is no idea so patently absurd that it can t catch on. For example, have you ever met a Mormon? More recently, we had the Swift Boat allegations against John Kerry, making him, a genuine war hero, into a coward in a race against a guy who never left Texas--this was so stupid that Kerry refused to even discuss it. And we all know how well that worked out. You may ask, how does something as inane as Whitewater or Swift Board or the birther phenomenon gain traction? I ll tell you how: the same way the story about Elton John almost dying from ingesting too much of Rod Stewart s sperm gained traction in my high school: dummies talking to other dummies. It s just easier now because of the Internet and because our mainstream media does such a lousy job of speaking the truth to stupid. Lou Dobbs said recently, People are asking a lot of questions about the birth certificate. Yes, the same people who want to know where the sun goes at night, and where to put the stamp on their e-mail. And, Lou, you re their new king. That s why it s so important that we the few, the proud, the reality-based, attack this stuff before it has a chance to fester and spread. It s not a case of Democrats vs. Republicans. It s sentient beings vs. the Lizard People, and it is to them I offer this deal: I ll show you President Obama s birth certificate when you show me Sarah Palin s high school diploma.”
“Everything is good as it comes from the hands of the Maker of the world, but degenerates once it gets into the hands of man”
“I ve never been able to understand why a Republican contributor is a fat cat and a Democratic contributor of the same amount of money is a public-spirited philanthropist .”
“These things will destroy the human race: politics without principle, progress without compassion, wealth without work, learning without silence, religion without fearlessness, and worship without awareness.”
“The French have a new president, the British will soon have a new P.M., and we envy them as we endure the endless wait for this small dim man to go back to Texas and resume his life.”
“Corrupt politicians make the other ten percent look bad.”
“The price of apathy towards public affairs is to be ruled by evil men.”
“Politicians and diapers should be changed frequently, and for the same reason.”
“In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.”
“Change we need”
“One of the penalties of refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.”
“Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the government take care of him better take a closer look at the American Indian.”
“The Seven Social Sins are: Wealth without work. Pleasure without conscience. Knowledge without character. Commerce without morality. Science without humanity. Worship without sacrifice. Politics without principle. From a sermon given by Frederick Lewis Donaldson in Westminster Abbey, London, on March 20, 1925.”
“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”
“Loyalty to country ALWAYS. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it.”
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
“There comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but he must take it because conscience tells him it is right.”