“There are some things I can t control, & that s just the way it is.”
“You’ll tell yourself anything you have to, to pretend that you’re still the one in control.”
“But love is much like a dam: if you allow a tiny crack to form through which only a trickle of water can pass, that trickle will quickly bring down the whole structure, and soon no one will be able to control the force of the current. For when those walls come down, then love takes over, and it no longer matters what is possible or impossible; it doesn t even matter whether we can keep the loved one at our side. To love is to lose control.”
“I don t bash you with my fists, I bash you with my emotions, to keep you under control.”
“Probably the wisest words that were ever uttered to me. Came from a therapist. I was sitting in her office, crying my eyes out. . . and she said, So let me get this straight. You base your personal happiness on things entirely out of your control.”
“There are moments in life when it is all turned inside out--what is real becomes unreal, what is unreal becomes tangible, and all your levelheaded efforts to keep a tight ontological control are rendered silly and indulgent.”
“It s funny, in a human kind of way, how we can convince ourselves that we re in control at the very moment we are beginning to lose it.”
“The creative process is a process of surrender, not control.”
“Acceptance means no complaining, and happiness means no complaining about the things over which you can do nothing.”
“You and I, we must carry on, Gemma. I cannot afford the luxury of love. I must marry well. And now I must look after you. It is my duty. If you wish to suffer, you do so of your own free will, not on my behalf. Or Father s or Grandmama s or anyone s. You are a fine physician, Thomas. Why is that not enough? Because it isn t, he says with a rare candor. Only this and the hope of nothing more? A quiet respectability with no true greatness or heroism in it, with only my reputation to recommend me. So you see, Gemma, you are not the only one who cannot rule her own life.”
“That s the truth about people with obsessively organised plans: we re not trying to control everything in our lives. We re trying to block out the things we can t.”
“Manipulation, fueled with good intent, can be a blessing. But when used wickedly, it is the beginning of a magician s karmic calamity.”
“CONTROL MYSELF?!! I m a MONSTER! Monsters don t control themselves! That s the whole IDEA!”
“One real danger in love relationships is that most people secretly believe that they must control the love object in order to feel safe in loving and being loved. The cause of this is simple—children are made to feel that they must give themselves up if they are to be loved. Thus, for most humans the act of surrender has meant the loss of autonomy or worse—loss of one s own mind. Surrender is neither control nor morbid dependency and cannot be made contingent upon giving away one s soul ; nonetheless, the person surrendering opens completely to the moment, and runs the risk of being deeply hurt. Sadly, in our society this is not uncommon and frequently serves to harden or embitter a person toward life in general. Or, on the other had being deeply hurt in the act of surrender can lead to angry and painful cries for help. When this occurs there is an insatiable and wrathful desire to be cared for as a child is cared for and the horrid fear of loss of independence.”
“This is who I am. A fighter. A guardian. Stronger than the Stormers. Stronger than Vane. Beyond all emotion. I don t give in to fear or pity or love. I m the one in control.”
“The best way to navigate through life is to give up all of our controls.”
“I m simply interested in what is going to happen next. I don t think I can control my life or my writing. Every other writer I know feels he is steering himself, and I don t have that feeling. I don t have that sort of control. I m simply becoming. I m startled that I became a writer.”