“This coming from someone who d seen it all over the course of tens of thousands of years: the rise and fall of dozens of empires, entire civilisations disappearing, some into the ocean--countless genocides and wars, the birth of gangster rap and reality television. Yes. Terrible, awful things.”
“Holy crap, woman! What was that? Guy stared down at the twitching right half of the body. He was morbidly shocked and incredibly proud. She shrugged casually. Payback. Hell hath no fury like a Payal scorned. Can we go now?”
“in the morning we found the rabbits intent on a meticulous and general campaign of copulation”
“She was looking at me as if I was a painting too, to be examined for symbols and meaning, and she couldn t decide in the end if I really was just a mass of pointless daubs”
“Watch out world, I thought, as a rush of air hit me, full pelt. Alex is BACK and she’s here to stay, whether you like it or not!”
“It had been at least two weeks since Mortimer had escaped and re-entered Darkvoid Dimension and he still felt as if one of the ‘Tweenies’ had picked up ‘Dougal’ and hurled him straight at his body. (This was in an alternate universe of course).”
“Chris had been a genuinely nice guy – a guy with a warm heart and friendly demeanour. What’s more, he, Mortimer, had lived and laughed alongside him – something his dead companions didn’t exactly evoke. OK. So they had their uses from time to time and offered him company when he desired it. Even so, that was it. They were dead, not living. Anyway, their conversations weren’t exactly inspiring.”
“As soon as I entered the hall, everyone stopped talking. Clearly, as in most places like this one, gossip had spread faster than I could walk. That didn’t bother me, not now. Taking a deep breath, I announced my arrival – ‘Alex’ style”
“Stop moping and think of a solution. A voice in his head told him. If you want to find your mojo again, then get on with it and stop wallowing in self-pity. This voice spoke the harsh truth. He needed to man-up. Nodding, Mortimer set his face in a line of steely determination, created a pile of papers and began to draft down possible ideas. Mass suicide? Too messy. Global war? Too soon. Revenge cult? Too predictable. NO.”
“Well…I like your attitude,” he told me, smiling. “Although I don’t like yours Mr Lewiston,” he added, his voice suddenly going harsh. “Try to bring a whoopie cushion into my class again and you’ll find that your end of term Maths paper might just be mysteriously downgraded.”
“I had broken another of her endless rules – never backchat the librarian.”
“Tea from the Japanese colony? I said as she opened the airlock. Oh no, from my homeward. I think it s obvious that we ve been here before: we check on developing civilisations, and sometimes quietly help them along. If we drop in on any young societies, we usually introduce them to tea.”
“What the eye does not see, the stomach does not get upset over”
“Eating was easy. Thinking was hard.”
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS! It was...........Dumbledore!”