“Mr Kingsley begins then by exclaiming- O the chicanery, the wholesale fraud, the vile hypocrisy, the conscience-killing tyranny of Rome! We have not far to seek for an evidence of it. There s Father Newman to wit: one living specimen is worth a hundred dead ones. He, a Priest writing of Priests, tells us that lying is never any harm. I interpose: You are taking a most extraordinary liberty with my name. If I have said this, tell me when and where. Mr Kingsley replies: You said it, Reverend Sir, in a Sermon which you preached, when a Protestant, as Vicar of St Mary s, and published in 1844; and I could read you a very salutary lecture on the effects which that Sermon had at the time on my own opinion of you. I make answer: Oh...NOT, it seems, as a Priest speaking of Priests-but let us have the passage. Mr Kingsley relaxes: Do you know, I like your TONE. From your TONE I rejoice, greatly rejoice, to be able to believe that you did not mean what you said. I rejoin: MEAN it! I maintain I never SAID it, whether as a Protestant or as a Catholic. Mr Kingsley replies: I waive that point. I object: Is it possible! What? waive the main question! I either said it or I didn t. You have made a monstrous charge against me; direct, distinct, public. You are bound to prove it as directly, as distinctly, as publicly-or to own you can t. Well, says Mr Kingsley, if you are quite sure you did not say it, I ll take your word for it; I really will. My WORD! I am dumb. Somehow I thought that it was my WORD that happened to be on trial. The WORD of a Professor of lying, that he does not lie! But Mr Kingsley reassures me: We are both gentlemen, he says: I have done as much as one English gentleman can expect from another. I begin to see: he thought me a gentleman at the very time he said I taught lying on system...”
“...I could feel her burrowing into my heart. I didn t know if the burrowing was like a kitten cuddling up to its mother or if it was like a chigger depositing its larvae underneath the skin of my ankles.”
“Though no one recognized his strength, Anand was among the strong. His satirical sense kept him aloof. At first this was only a pose, and imitation of his father. But satire led to contempt, and at Shorthills contempt, quick, deep, inclusive, became part of his nature. It led to inadequacies, to self-awareness and a lasting loneliness. But it made him unassailable.”
“Nothing helps your partner keep his mind on Jesus more than having a sign of His love tanned on your primary erogenous zones.”
“A large banner above the teaching board read, Everything is racist. Everything else is a human right.”
“A large banner above the teaching board read, Everything is racist. Everything else is a human right.”
“I am not one of those churlish authors, who do so enwrap their works in the mystic fogs of scientific jargon, that a man must be as wise as themselves to understand their writings; on the contrary, my pages, though abounding with sound wisdom and profound erudition, shall be written with such pleasant and urbane perspicuity, that there shall not even be found a country justice, an outward alderman, or a member of congress, provided he can read with tolerable fluency, but shall both understand and profit by my labours.”
“Ah, Sir, a novel is a mirror carried along a high road. At one moment it reflects to your vision the azure skies, at another the mire of the puddles at your feet. And the man who carries this mirror in his pack will be accused by you of being immoral! His mirror shews the mire, and you blame the mirror! Rather blame that high road upon which the puddle lies, still more the inspector of roads who allows the water to gather and the puddle to form.”
“Attend to your Configuration.”
“Let Sporus tremble — What? that thing of silk, Sporus, that mere white curd of ass s milk? Satire or sense, alas! can Sporus feel? Who breaks a Butterfly upon a Wheel? Yet let me flap this Bug with gilded wings, This painted Child of Dirt that stinks and stings; Whose Buzz the Witty and the Fair annoys, Yet Wit ne er tastes, and Beauty ne er enjoys,”
“Doctrine? Is that some kind of Pokémon? - Joel Osteen”
“Let’s not give up on history. Stop the march of science. Condemn the past but not the historian. And remember this if nothing else: history proves that Brexit proves that history repeats itself.”
“Eric, you need to look at the whole picture, the PM said. You look at the jobless as a huge pile of scrap and you re looking for what can be recycled. That s good. That s your job. But what you don t realise is that this pile of scrap itself serves a purpose. I need my zeros, Eric. They put fear in people; fear of crime and terrorism. They are a stark reminder to the stakeholders that what they despise today, they may end up joining tomorrow. It keeps them obedient. Remember that!”
“There was a story doing the rounds that the list of questions traditionally asked of head injury victims, to check for concussion - what s the date, where do you live, who is the Prime Minister? - had had to be amended in light of the current incumbents turn your, as the widespread disbelief but he was still in office was producing a rash of false positives.”
“I mean, listen. They practiced a crippling soul addiction to stay flawless.” Mason pointed out and then observed his forehead and shifted his jaw to each side. “They were such victims. In the end, they wrinkled away no matter how much money they threw in.” This time, it was Valis who started laughing. “You gotta be kiddin’ me, are you flattering yourself? You see them as victims of vanity. So much for your own self-awareness.” He joked. Mason lifted his eyes and glanced at him through the stained mirror. “What do you mean?” “In today’s standard, you’re the equivalent of someone laminated like a business card.”
“It’s harder to get away in the summer. But still I go on a few trips with Sylvia. One thing that’s becoming clear on our travels: people are really sick of being lectured to about glaciers. “Listen, I’ve heard all about that,“ says this red-faced man. “But what’s going to happen to the American weather?”
“The groomer wasn’t provided any dental care or skin care and that’s the truth. Just ask his dentdermatautologist, he’ll tell you.”