“Adelina knew perfectly well who the father was, but she worked hard to forget it, and by the end of her life she would insist that Jesús was her child and hers only.”
“you don t know until you know!”
“Every gay man out there has at least one man-crush in his past that totally shriveled his nads into raisins and sent him screaming off into the night.”
“I mean, shit, what Latino family doesn t think it s cursed?”
“Vegtables, what food eats before it becomes food.”
“This isn t sex. I blinked. Oh. Then what is it? An emergency! I started to argue and then thought twice about it. Considering what Mircea would do to Pritkin if he ever found out about this...Yeah. Emergency sounded good.”
“I d spent five minutes looking at Twitter once and felt I d wandered into a poker game where everyone immediately displayed their hands against the cool green of the felt.”
“None are so busy as the fool and knave.”
“Aw, come on, admit it—you feel like Cinderella, don’t you?” “No, Darren, I don’t. And do you know why?” “No, sugar, you tell me why.” “Because I’m a man. I’ve got a big fat one and I like to fuck other guys.” Darren was laughing over the phone now, and it made Reece grin. “And Ben isn’t a prince, he’s a cop. A big, sexy cop who fucks like a machine. He’s a man. I’m a man. We’re men.” He nodded sharply. “Now fuck off. I’m arranging flowers.”
“ELVIS & MARILYN: The deader they get - the more money they make.”
“Today, Aaron decided, he would begin to grieve in earnest. He would walk the lonely beach, mocked by gulls, uncaring, his every step a stately rebuke to the malign forces that had blighted his fate. His was the tragedy of a man who couldn t have his own way, and he intended to make known his anguish in the solemn solitude that only a stretch of sand, a suspiring sea, and a beetling cliff could provide.”
“A Man can Live two Weeks without Food, go two days without Water, and two minutes without Air, and apparently, an entire lifetime without a BRAIN.”
“One of the classier features of this home was the padded toilet seat. It was high-mileage puffy brown vinyl-colored foam and made that weird sigh when you sat down on it. I m not a germaphobe or anything like that, but it is weird to think about all the ass time this seat had seen before we moved in. This is a horrible invention. What s the plan? You want to create a toilet seat so comfortable that you can fall asleep while you re taking a shit? You re going to show up late for work or end up like Elvis.”
“I had an aunt named abnormal Shauna once. But she passed away in an unfortunate cliff-top interpretative dance and fireworks accident.”
“DISARM ALL RAPISTS But what will we do With their legs?”
“When life gives you lemons, put your lipstick on!”
“And there you sit, gloating over what you have done, as if you were a martyr or a public benefactor -- as complacent and smug and misunderstood as a princess from the moon forced to herd goats!”