“Making God a man is the consolation prize that our forefathers gave themselves for not being the ones who were each blessed with a vagina.”
“My mum always said you get more fun at a Glasgow stabbing than an Edinburgh wedding.”
“Some people are still alive only because they find being dead more boring than being alive.”
“It s not my fault, that I m flat chested and a midget!”
“Instead of being regarded as intelligent or knowledgeable, many a woman would rather be regarded as beautiful or good in the kitchen; many a man, as handsome or good in bed.”
“I always pick a gorgeous time to fall over a suitcase or something.”
“It is as difficult for most poor people to truly believe that they could someday escape poverty as it is for most wealthy people to truly believe that their wealth could someday escape them.”
“If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.”
“We were full of righteous anger and dreams of vengeance when we got here, and a couple of blowjobs and hangovers later it s like nothing ever happened”
“Some people will each start investing more of their salary on ‘their’ house and spending less of it on ‘their’ car or cars only when they start being able to take ‘their’ house to work, funerals, weddings, etc.”
“Ascott scrambled for his dive knife, he and waved the four- inch blade between himself and the octopus. The floating sack of tentacles hesitated and then all eight of its arms snapped forward. Curled in the tip of each was a variety of sharpened implements, from swords and dive knives to a fishing spear. The large unblinking eyes seemed to be saying, Your move.”
“You re prettier than I imagined you , Raphael said. Uh... thank you, I said. But I don t really... Wait,wait, I ve got one, he interrupted. Somebody better call God. Because Heaven s missing an angel!”
“Back in the day, it was either both a mother and her daughter had pubic hair, or the daughter didn’t. Today, in many a case, the mother is the one who doesn’t.”
“Poverty does not always prevent a rich person from dating someone who is poor, unless the man is the one who is poor.”
“Good isn t obsessed to win But Bad is destined to lose”
“I saved a man s life once, said Granny. Special medicine, twice a day. Boiled water with a bit of berry juice in it. Told him I d bought it from the dwarves. That s the biggest part of doct rin, really. Most people ll get over things if they put their minds to it, you just have to give them an interest. She patted Esk s hand as nicely as possible. You re a bit young for this, she said, but as you grow older you ll find most people don t set foot outside their own heads much.”
“But how do we know it s working properly? The green light is on. said Jack.”