“What you call idiot points, I call awesome dollars. ~Seth”
“Here is my final point. About drugs, about alcohol, about pornography and smoking and everything else. What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I take into my body - as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?”
“VIVA LA VIE BOHEME!”
“Let me tell you about gays in the military. I don t want any gay people hanging around me while I m killing kids. I just don t want to see it.”
“You know you re a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself.”
“Love is the greatest thing life will ever offer you and if you surrender yourself to that love, you must be willing to fight until the very end for it.”
“Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious”
“To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.”
“My whole life I though I was the star of an overly earnest romance movie, and it turns out I was in a goddamned buddy comedy all along.”
“I was just thinking... isn t it lucky that we decided to become co-editors? If one takes a blow to the head, the other can fill in. If the other s lung spontaneoulsy collapses, the one can fill in. It s a perfect system once you think about it. ~Will Landsman”
“Her dad turned to me. You. Follow Me. Woof, I said.”
“Everything I touched seemed to be cursed—the next person who came in contact with that sunbed probably contracted HIV and died of a stubbed toe.”
“He stopped to rest at a cart selling nuts and candy, bought himself some Jelly Belly s, flirted just enought with the Mexican cutie working there to convince her pull out the banana-flavored one. Although he liked his Jelly Belly s mixed up, he didn t like banana, but, since it took too much effort to pull them out himself, he generally tried to talk someone else into doing it. If that didn t work, he just ate em. - Kenny Traveler”
“Fun things are fun”
“merry Christmas LOL SIKE ITS JULY hehehehe”
“The dog ran into the kitchen, stuck his nose in Grandma s crotch, and snuffled. Dang, Grandma said. Guess my new perfume really works. I m gonna have to try it out at the seniors meeting.”
“I ejaculated about ten minutes ago and the stuff was black. So everything is not normal. Silence greeted that happy little announcement. Man, if he had hauled off and sucker-punched V, he would have gotten less of a shocked-out reaction.”